I think since I was in high school I have dreamed repeatedly each night and I usually remember. Sometimes the dreams are good and funny. Other times, like now, they're not. My latest dream actually has me in a very not good mood and I don't want to really be bothered.
What's interesting about the dream is how it is still effecting me although I have been up for hours now. What I realize now is that it's true; it's how I really feel. I always think when I talk to people that no one understands me. I have come to accept that and move on. But at some point I really want someone to understand. 
In my life, think only two people have understood me. One of those people is my cousin. Problem with is that I didn't see her at all in 2009 and I rarely talked to anymore. She has like 50 million kids and moved to Indiana. But I understand that she has a family, so it's not a big to me.
The other person was my mother. She died in 1999. And in this particular dream I was looking for her everywhere because I felt like no one understood me. I also, felt like no one understood and wanted to cry. I woke up wanting to cry because there was nothing else I could do. In my dreams she never dead, I just usually can't find her or she about to leave and then she's just gone. Also in my dreams, we're always back on 48th and Calumet in Chicago. I haven't lived there in forever. I once wished that I didn't dream anymore and I didn't, but somehow felt incomplete. My dreams are the only place I can hold a conversation with my mother now.
Right now I am living with my grandmother and I think that most of the time no one here understands. For example, this morning I was talking to my aunt and she was reacting to like she normally does when I make faces. She didn't understand that something was disturbing me and whatever I said didn't have anything to do directly with her. But that is usually the extent of the conversation: missunderstanding.
My father is the same way. It's completely pointless for me expect him to understand me because he doesn't. I already know. It's so sad sometimes. He repeatedly asks me the same questions and doesn't listen like a typically man.
There's so much pressure to have someone understand. There's an internal battle and I have to see how this plays out. Because for the new year I am incorporating Fearlessness in 2010.
